THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS

It feels good to be back...... back to the familiar backdrop of anonymity, back to the literally write off the pain, the disgust and the anger, back to shake off some of the burden under the
safe refuge of anonymity...
My temporary sabbatical from this blog was just another disillusioned hope, more of a product of my refusal to meet the prevailing situation, rather than any actual change in the situation..... a hope, that maybe,even against all these insurmountable odds, there was a slim chance that things would calm down, and perhaps I could get on with the semblance of a normal life........ perhaps, by just waiting and watching, there would suddenly come a day when I can just leave all this disgusting mess behind me, and go on with my life......perhaps.........

But the truth is, as I've known all throughout, that this is not something that I can leave behind me..... the only way was, and still remains, to confront it head on, to resolve the matter for once and for all.......
there's no use spending night after night closing your eyes hoping, rather desperately praying to whoever would care to listen, that when I open my eyes the next morning, all this would be nothing but a faraway,distant nightmare......nothing else........

This approach does nothing other than to expend your spirit, your ability to hope, your optimism and your self..... yet for the obvious reasons, I cannot do any other thing than wait and watch......
Home, though it never represented the perfect little haven for me as it does for others, is now the closest definition to hell that I can imagine....... flare ups are as common and frequent as commercial breaks during sitcoms, with no apparent causes,with matters boiling down to instances of physical abuse sometimes...... I guess the time is not far off when there will be a parting of ways......the way everything's going on, unless its that or an arrest of physical abuse, which again is no less imminent..... the cops already have got a wind of the going ons here, so its a sudden death round from here on.....
The last incident worth mentioning took place when I was away from home, as usually the case is, because in spite of all his bravado and stuff, if there's anyone within the family he thinks can stand up to him, atleast physically, it has to be me...

I wish I were as confidnet about this "standing up" part....... till now, I've been no more than a meek, mute spectator to everything, never protesting, even once...... I know that I need to shake of my supposed "diplomatic" approach( read:
cowardly) ...... I have known that all along, but failed to act accordingly..... all I have done is grovel and act like a helpless, opportunistic jackass who will tolerate anything as long as it does not affect him directly, irrespective to whether
its right or wrong......someone who'll keep his eyes closed for his own benefit....
I desperately need advice...... what should I do??

I know, most people would immediately and vehemently state that the only and the right thing is to report the matter and pursue legal action.......
But that is not feasible..... because if the sole earner of the family is removed, who is going to pay for the charges, legal, daily and otherwise??? A court case is likely to drag on for a couple of years, if not more....and during that time, who'll
sustain the family?? I have my educational finances to think of, and there's no way I could arrange anything that will cover all these expenses...... and then, I've a amaller sister, my mother, an aged grandmother and an invalid aunt...who's
to pay for all their sustenance??
But again, is it a morally defensible stand to tolerate all this, waiting for that day when perhaps either he'll come back to his senses and his family, or I am able to find a job enough to run a family???
I really don't know.......
I really wish that this was nothing more than another nightmare.............