Well.. here I am once again…. back to siphon off some more of the depression and frustration that is so abundant in my life… however, there is this problem: what else do I write here?? I feel that I’ve already exhausted my somewhat scanty resources in the previous posts, and now, though the urge to write still exists, I am facing an acute shortage of relevant topics which will really help me ease up….
I remember mentioning that my life, for the last couple of years, has been a charade…. A well-constructed, impenetrable wall of falsifications and pretensions, which successfully conveys to the world a “normal” illusion…. An illusion that is so much normal and common-place, that no one would even think twice before accepting it as the absolute reality… an irony, obviously, as the truth is as contradictory and removed from this projected truth as can be, yet this reality is something which I guess, the society and its virtuous occupants will have trouble believing in… another irony…
I have myself stated my aversion to the continuation of this charade and pretension…however, for reasons unknown, I still find myself continuing to play a part in this drama…ok, maybe not exactly unknown- the fact that I happen to be a wimp, who when confronted with the option of choosing between the right and the easy, will almost always go with the latter …and social restrictions and obligations did play a role in this decision…
Maybe I am underestimating the integrity of our veil of secrecy…still, it really makes me uneasy whenever I consider the infinite possibilities of this dam being breached not due to the inside pressure, but being pulled down by external force…that would really be a dampener…if not of our spirits, then on the fact that the only effort that we had put together, as a family in the last couple of years, will conclude in a failure...
